Decisions in Life and in Peace Corps

Our lives are guided by the decisions we make. From the time we awake, to the time we close the day; we have to make decisions about what we will do with the time that we have that day. In many instances these decisions are trivial, such as what to have for breakfast or which clothes to wear for the day. But we sometimes may forget about the bigger decisions that we have made in our lives. The decisions that have a large bearing on our futures are the ones that have led us to the place that we are today. We may find ourselves in an extremely unfortunate situation and wonder how we got there. Or conversely, we may find ourselves in a favorable situation and understand all of the key moments in our journey that have led us to that particular moment. To be able to make the best choice among alternatives for the decisions you are making requires that you understand yourself. Specifically, you must understand your values, beliefs, desires, and your criteria for happiness. If you have established a sense of self and have been honest in your assessment of your values and criteria for happiness, making the best possible decision will be easier. A caveat to that, however, is that trying to make the best possible decision after you place strict criteria on the desired outcome may lead to disappointment. Perhaps the best possible outcome in the end is not necessarily what you had envisioned at the beginning. Assuming a priori that you know exactly where you want to end up may prevent you from enjoying the journey that brought you to the destination. It is possible that you have missed something along the way; or that your focused attention on the destination has led to a missed opportunity which could have led you to a different and possibly better place. What if you had established a clear vision of where you think you wanted to end up, but were flexible along the course, and ultimately allowed the destination to find you? Is there a possibility that you would have found much more than you had originally imagined? Maybe if you had been flexible and had welcomed the uncertainties in the journey, you would have ended up being more satisfied in the long run. Because you can’t predict what the future will bring, and can only assess your happiness in the present, you may be more likely to end up in a place you want to be if you make your decisions based on where you think you want to be, but maintain flexibility as the journey unfolds.

Finding the best outcome following a decision also requires significant patience and the capacity to observe and listen. In assessing the possible outcomes and direction you would like to see yourself moving in the future, you made a decision based on the information and knowledge that you had at the time you encountered the impending decision. Of course, the person who made the decision is not the same who exists today. You have been exposed to culture and other people’s ideas. You have also grown into a person who may no longer have the same desires, or even values, that made the original decision. Realizing that the same person who made the decision no longer exists in quite the same way is fundamental to understanding why it is so important to remain flexible in your expectations following a decision, especially a decision with significant lifelong repercussions. Maybe you had planned that a particular result would come and you knew exactly how you would react after the result came. What if the result never came? Will you still be happy? Will you be able to cope with the disappointment of a “failed” outcome? Maybe if you had made a decision to proceed in a given direction in your life because you think it will provide you with more opportunities to continue finding happiness, you would not have found disappointment. Perhaps even further, you will find something (or someone) along the way that (who) you never imagined you would find. Maybe the situation would be even greater than what you had previously assumed you would find. In short, if you made a decision and then lived for the experience encompassed in that decision rather than the outcome, you may find more happiness with your decision than if you had abruptly ended up at the final destination and ignored the unexpected occurrences.

I think Peace Corps experience is largely defined by this state of mind. If you come in with expectations of what you want to do, who you want to meet, where you want to end up, and the type of person you want to be by the end of service, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course, you can’t predict the people you will meet, the site where you will end up, or the person you will be when you close your service. It would be a pity to assume that you knew the answers to these uncertainties and to define your success by a “favorable” outcome to your decision to join Peace Corps. Things will happen along the way, you will meet people you hadn’t expected to meet and hopefully you will continue to find satisfaction and happiness in the work that you do and the relationships that you have built. If you stop, for just a second, during your journey and pay attention to what you are doing and the people you are building relationships with, hopefully you will be able to see the satisfaction that your work and counterparts are bringing you.

My intention in composing my thoughts tonight is not to advocate a completely passive approach to life or decision making. I do feel, however, that a clearly defined sense of self and values will ultimately allow you to develop into a person you want to be, bring you to a place where you are happy, and allow you to build relationships that are satisfying. In addition, if you are following the path which has been laid out by your decision and you find something or someone that is truly special, it would be a pity to let the opportunity, or person, pass you by. Maybe you were more focused on the destination and were moving too quickly to identify what you missed. If you had been paying attention, observing, and listening perhaps you would have found something far greater than you had imagined. Of course in such a circumstance, you need to pay attention to your senses. What do you feel? What do you hear? What do you see? What is your heart telling you? If you think that you have any idea that there is a previously unexpected opportunity ahead of you, you need to be proactive to ensure that you give it adequate attention. You need to find out what the opportunity means and where it could lead you. If you don’t know anything else except that the opportunity or relationship brings you true happiness, then you need to devote enough attention and energy to find out. In short, you need to make a decision.

Today, as I sit and write this blog post I am on the other side of site announcement day. I will be placed at Gallapo Secondary School outside of Babati Town in the southern Manyara region of Tanzania. I am about a 4 hour bus trip from Kilimanjaro. I will be teaching Biology and possibly an additional subject if time and energy allows. The school has expressed a need for a math teacher as well, but we will see about that. My primary duty is going to be Biology, and I plan to devote the greatest attention to that. Also, I will need to establish relationships within the community fairly quickly so I can integrate in an efficient manner. I am becoming more and more comfortable with Swahili, so I think it will be relatively easy to meet people, converse a bit, and establish relationships with the villagers. I am presently shadowing another PCV at her site and getting to see first-hand how a PCV lives. I think it is great! I am very excited to get to my village, see my house, and begin making it a home. Today, I went to my shadow PCV’s school and met some of her fellow teachers, her headmaster, and some of her students. It was very fun and I was conversing for 30-45 minutes with the students kuhusu vitu vingi vya Tanzania na Marekani (concerning many things about Tanzania and America). I would say I am much more comfortable when I speak, am developing an ability to hear the words as they are spoken by others, and consequently, it is much easier for me to find the things I want to say as I speak to others. I can’t wait until I can become fluent!! It is very exciting to be actually conversing (rather than just spitting out memorized phrases) in another language. Also, yesterday I baked my first loaf of bread since arriving in Africa! It was AWESOME #IMISSMYBROCLINTANDERSWHOWOULDHAVELOVEDTHIS!!! The only downside was that it wasn’t very aesthetically pleasing because the loaf kind of collapsed because I let it proof too long, plus the flour is not high protein, and thus isn’t form gluten as well. But, you better believe that the first thing I did after it was done was cut a warm piece, and ongeza (add) siagi ya karanga (peanut butter) and jam! The peanut butter here is phenomenal. It was truly AWESOME! Today, we baked cupcakes and will take them to my shadow PCV’s neighbor’s house for dinner. Everyone here insists on inviting you for chakula (food). It is very nice and the food is always incredible! Of course, we are doing all of this baking without an oven, so that makes it that much more fun. We have a large dutch oven and are placing coals under it to achieve the oven effect. Works like a charm. I still want to build a brick oven at site, but at least I know of a feasible alternative that works in the meantime.

The weather here is AMAZING. I finally feel like I am in truly in rural Africa at my shadow PCV’s site (My site is about an hour away). There are large plains where you can see for miles in any direction. It is a desert ecosystem where I am now, so it is very reminiscent of far west Texas. I really love it. I can’t speak on my site yet, but I would not have been disappointed if I were placed here! I believe my site will be a little greener, but the temperature may be similar. This morning I ran and was legitimately cold. Pole sana (very sorry) to my friends in Texas who are braving the heat right now, but where I am, there is almost no humidity and the temperature is very cool, even cold. The place I am currently at is on the southern rim of the Great Rift Valley, not far from Kenya, so I can’t help but think of myself running in a place a lot like the great Kenyan distance runners. Of course, I am a slug in comparison but it is still fun. Also, I must say that because I am placed in the north, it will be very feasible to run the Kilimanjaro ½ or full marathon! Again, depending on time constraints I may do the ½ the first year and the full the next. Also, if I ask an mtoto (child) to sign me up I only have to pay 5,000tsh (~$3.25USD) to run the marathon. Of course, the race swag won’t be as good as a race in the states, but the race is very big, has solid sponsors, legitimate aid stations, and the view of Kili. I can’t think of a more awesome place to run a legitimate marathon for so cheap. You are also able to use it as a qualifier for the Comrades Marathon (I believe), so it will be legit enough.

As I begin to wind this blog post up, I can report that I am still moving along well. I am happy. I am simply living life and finding satisfaction in each day. I am enjoying the relationships I have built and am building. I have met people I didn’t expect to meet, and am missing one in particular. For now, I will continue to listen, observe, and go in the direction that is providing the greatest happiness as I am living my Peace Corps experience. Andy Dufrain from The Shawshank Redemption, in regards to his unfortunate situation in Shawshank Prison, said “…you gotta get busy living or get busy dying...” He found out a way to improve upon his situation and DECIDED to do something about it. So for now, I will continue LIVING an experience that has been fulfilling. I miss my friends and family back home. You know who you are, and I love you all very much. I hope you are doing well and I look forward to talking to you all sometime soon. Take care!  

Thoughts on Life in Morogoro

How we perceive and enjoy our lives is strongly affected by our mindset in a given situation, as well as our relationship with ourselves and others. We are also pleasure seeking creatures, as happiness is the gold standard in anyone’s life. As a result, we like to surround ourselves with people or situations that make us happy, bring out the best in us, or at least provide us with an opportunity to seek happiness. We love the feeling we get when we know that we are genuinely happy. What’s even more incredible is the happiness that two people can bring to each other in a relationship – romantic or just as friends. Often times, it seems as if nothing can bring us such happiness. There are also times when everything seems just perfect. As if nothing that anybody could do could bring you down at that moment in time. Unfortunately, maintaining genuine happiness is a struggle in a dynamic world. With each fleeting moment of happiness, you risk encountering a hard ship. In other words, you risk encountering a situation that will make you unhappy. But this really doesn’t matter to you - especially during that one moment when everything seems perfect. Maybe you are doing an activity that brought you the happiness, or you are with a person that you love to be around. You can only hope that the activity or the person will continue to bring you the amount of happiness that you are feeling at that one moment. At the very least, you hope that you will experience that same feeling one more time in the future. Maybe that is what motivates you to keep training hard after you run a personal best time, or you wake up every morning next to someone who you genuinely love. You love seeing their smile every morning. Maybe this is what keeps the bond strong between the two people. Whatever the case may be, such happiness is second to none.

Observing and seeking this sort of happiness has been an important theme so afar in my Peace Corps life. I left a comfortable situation with friends and family that made me happy. I assumed I would find a way to be happy in Peace Corps, but there were uncertainties. I wasn’t sure of the type of people I would meet or the relationships I would form. I especially wasn’t sure of how I would perceive the culture, how the culture would perceive me, and most importantly, how I would adapt to the unfamiliar culture and situation. I prepared mentally and emotionally, I brainstormed expectations with friends and family at home, and finally I went for it.

Fast forwarding one month, I can only report happiness. I have met people here that will undoubtedly become lifelong friends. I found myself smiling A LOT yesterday (July 7) while on the safari in Mikumi National Park. Of course, there were specific reasons for that, but I found myself to be so happy with the people I was with and the situation I was in. The bus we were on wasn’t the best and the seats hurt my ass, but it was all great! I have also come to notice how happy people in Tanzania seem to be. Everyone is eager to greet and maintaining relationships between people far exceeds any other tasks a person has to do. I have also become keenly aware of the pride that many Tanzanians have. They LOVE the fact that they live here. Many people in America have a preconceived idea that Africans all need help. They need food, better leadership, more money, a better house, a car, etc. etc. Sure, politics can create problems in many African countries. There is corruption among the leaders of the country. I would argue, though, that corruption exists similarly in America. Maybe we don’t have the same immediate repercussions or deleterious effects on national development, but we have plenty of issues of our own. As far as other luxuries go, I’m not so sure that the people here would care to have these things. Most people are very well fed, they have ways to get around, and they are very happy. It’s amazing how that works.

In terms of help, yes, I can help. I have had access to an education that many Tanzanians will never have access to. This is the reality and it is a luxury to live in a well-developed country and have access to quality education. I will be able to bring knowledge and ideas to the classroom that many Tanzanian educators can’t. But what I am really beginning to learn, and am very excited about, is how they will HELP ME. I have already developed a tremendous amount of patience. I have learned their culture and (some of) their language. I would say every day I become more and more “Tanzanian”. I find myself looking around and thinking “Wow! This long wait for a bus sucks!” or “This way too cramped bus would never work in America!” I also haven’t found myself searching for anything, but I feel as if I am finding everything. I’m finding satisfaction in adapting to my new culture, greeting people as I walk to the bus stop every morning, and making the 70 minute, 10 mile commute back home after training each day. Of course I found happiness in things back in America and I am not trying to paint a “Mayberry” type of picture. The point I am trying to make is that I feel fulfilled by just about every aspect of my life right now. In Tanzania, I have been able to find pleasure in a lot of different things (some things that are maybe strange by different standards). Perhaps the same things wouldn’t have given me the same pleasure back home in the states. Maybe they would, but it took a different perspective to realize them. I already find myself fast forwarding 26 months in my mind and thinking how I will be different when I get back to America. It seems to me that this is what is so exciting about Peace Corps service. You are forced to find happiness in very basic things. Often times, you manufacture happiness in a crappy situation and you learn more about yourself in the process. In the perspective of my new culture, I have learned the value of relationships with people. In the perspective of being a Peace Corps Volunteer, I have learned the value of the friends you have and have recently made if you didn’t already realize it. Your friends back home are great, but they probably can’t really relate in exactly the same way to the challenges you face during the progression of your service. The initial highs, the culture shock if it’s a problem, problems learning the language, challenges adjusting to your new site and host community (which I can’t comment on at the moment), etc. You really do build a support network that will be essential to successful service with the friends you meet here. You find ways to keep each other happy. By the end of training, you are left primarily with your skills, your PCV friends, and your thoughts. You have to figure out the rest and make the best of it.

This, I think, is one of the most humbling parts of Peace Corps that I have realized so far. I expect that I will have to find ways to be happy in the long run. I genuinely feel, though, that this will be possible. I think I came in with the right mind set; I have ushered in truckloads of patience, and left any expectations in America. As I mentioned earlier, I have already found some really great things that I never expected I would find. So, as it is, I will continue living my Peace Corps life one day at a time, eagerly waiting to see what the future will bring. I expect I will have to continue to adapt as problems come, but that is my strength. I can handle it. I am excited about the prospects!

To move on to more specific (and less abstract) things, training has been going along about the same as I have said before. Language is still a challenge, but I continue to improve. This coming week marks the mid-point of training, and as such, we have mid-terms! Mid-term language tests, most importantly. I will let you all know how that goes… Yesterday (July 7), I had the opportunity to see some incredible animals on our safari! There were many giraffes, elephants, baboons, zebras, hippos and gazelles. Unfortunately, I did not get to see any lions, but it was still a great trip. At one point, we stepped off the bus to take pictures of the hippos in a pond and I remember looking around thinking “Holy Shit!! I’m in the middle of an African savannah!!! I could get eaten by a lion or bitten by a cobra!!!” It was nuts, but so much fun! I have posted a few select pictures on Facebook, so you should check those out if you haven’t already. Of course, I took many more than what are posted on my page. After the safari, we stayed at “Hotel Genesis”. It was a really nice place and we had a blast. We had a grand time dancing most of the night, while drinking fine (said sarcastically) Tanzanian pombe J. There are some great stories to be told about last night, but that will be for another time and not in a public domain ;)

As I wrap up, I will leave you with my upcoming schedule: I begin my internship teaching this coming week. I will be teaching Form 1(~8^th grade or so in the states) Biology for 3 weeks. Also this coming week, I will have the mid-term evaluations for language! Hopefully those go well.. In two and a half weeks I will learn my future site, and have the opportunity to go there for a week, as well as shadow another PCV during that time. It will be essential that I take in as much information as I can during that week, before I move to the site on my own. In short, there are a lot of exciting things coming up in training, so stay posted as I keep you updated on how things are progressing!

I hope you are all doing well back home. Stay in touch and enjoy!!

Travis