Decisions in Life and in Peace Corps

Our lives are guided by the decisions we make. From the time we awake, to the time we close the day; we have to make decisions about what we will do with the time that we have that day. In many instances these decisions are trivial, such as what to have for breakfast or which clothes to wear for the day. But we sometimes may forget about the bigger decisions that we have made in our lives. The decisions that have a large bearing on our futures are the ones that have led us to the place that we are today. We may find ourselves in an extremely unfortunate situation and wonder how we got there. Or conversely, we may find ourselves in a favorable situation and understand all of the key moments in our journey that have led us to that particular moment. To be able to make the best choice among alternatives for the decisions you are making requires that you understand yourself. Specifically, you must understand your values, beliefs, desires, and your criteria for happiness. If you have established a sense of self and have been honest in your assessment of your values and criteria for happiness, making the best possible decision will be easier. A caveat to that, however, is that trying to make the best possible decision after you place strict criteria on the desired outcome may lead to disappointment. Perhaps the best possible outcome in the end is not necessarily what you had envisioned at the beginning. Assuming a priori that you know exactly where you want to end up may prevent you from enjoying the journey that brought you to the destination. It is possible that you have missed something along the way; or that your focused attention on the destination has led to a missed opportunity which could have led you to a different and possibly better place. What if you had established a clear vision of where you think you wanted to end up, but were flexible along the course, and ultimately allowed the destination to find you? Is there a possibility that you would have found much more than you had originally imagined? Maybe if you had been flexible and had welcomed the uncertainties in the journey, you would have ended up being more satisfied in the long run. Because you can’t predict what the future will bring, and can only assess your happiness in the present, you may be more likely to end up in a place you want to be if you make your decisions based on where you think you want to be, but maintain flexibility as the journey unfolds.

Finding the best outcome following a decision also requires significant patience and the capacity to observe and listen. In assessing the possible outcomes and direction you would like to see yourself moving in the future, you made a decision based on the information and knowledge that you had at the time you encountered the impending decision. Of course, the person who made the decision is not the same who exists today. You have been exposed to culture and other people’s ideas. You have also grown into a person who may no longer have the same desires, or even values, that made the original decision. Realizing that the same person who made the decision no longer exists in quite the same way is fundamental to understanding why it is so important to remain flexible in your expectations following a decision, especially a decision with significant lifelong repercussions. Maybe you had planned that a particular result would come and you knew exactly how you would react after the result came. What if the result never came? Will you still be happy? Will you be able to cope with the disappointment of a “failed” outcome? Maybe if you had made a decision to proceed in a given direction in your life because you think it will provide you with more opportunities to continue finding happiness, you would not have found disappointment. Perhaps even further, you will find something (or someone) along the way that (who) you never imagined you would find. Maybe the situation would be even greater than what you had previously assumed you would find. In short, if you made a decision and then lived for the experience encompassed in that decision rather than the outcome, you may find more happiness with your decision than if you had abruptly ended up at the final destination and ignored the unexpected occurrences.

I think Peace Corps experience is largely defined by this state of mind. If you come in with expectations of what you want to do, who you want to meet, where you want to end up, and the type of person you want to be by the end of service, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course, you can’t predict the people you will meet, the site where you will end up, or the person you will be when you close your service. It would be a pity to assume that you knew the answers to these uncertainties and to define your success by a “favorable” outcome to your decision to join Peace Corps. Things will happen along the way, you will meet people you hadn’t expected to meet and hopefully you will continue to find satisfaction and happiness in the work that you do and the relationships that you have built. If you stop, for just a second, during your journey and pay attention to what you are doing and the people you are building relationships with, hopefully you will be able to see the satisfaction that your work and counterparts are bringing you.

My intention in composing my thoughts tonight is not to advocate a completely passive approach to life or decision making. I do feel, however, that a clearly defined sense of self and values will ultimately allow you to develop into a person you want to be, bring you to a place where you are happy, and allow you to build relationships that are satisfying. In addition, if you are following the path which has been laid out by your decision and you find something or someone that is truly special, it would be a pity to let the opportunity, or person, pass you by. Maybe you were more focused on the destination and were moving too quickly to identify what you missed. If you had been paying attention, observing, and listening perhaps you would have found something far greater than you had imagined. Of course in such a circumstance, you need to pay attention to your senses. What do you feel? What do you hear? What do you see? What is your heart telling you? If you think that you have any idea that there is a previously unexpected opportunity ahead of you, you need to be proactive to ensure that you give it adequate attention. You need to find out what the opportunity means and where it could lead you. If you don’t know anything else except that the opportunity or relationship brings you true happiness, then you need to devote enough attention and energy to find out. In short, you need to make a decision.

Today, as I sit and write this blog post I am on the other side of site announcement day. I will be placed at Gallapo Secondary School outside of Babati Town in the southern Manyara region of Tanzania. I am about a 4 hour bus trip from Kilimanjaro. I will be teaching Biology and possibly an additional subject if time and energy allows. The school has expressed a need for a math teacher as well, but we will see about that. My primary duty is going to be Biology, and I plan to devote the greatest attention to that. Also, I will need to establish relationships within the community fairly quickly so I can integrate in an efficient manner. I am becoming more and more comfortable with Swahili, so I think it will be relatively easy to meet people, converse a bit, and establish relationships with the villagers. I am presently shadowing another PCV at her site and getting to see first-hand how a PCV lives. I think it is great! I am very excited to get to my village, see my house, and begin making it a home. Today, I went to my shadow PCV’s school and met some of her fellow teachers, her headmaster, and some of her students. It was very fun and I was conversing for 30-45 minutes with the students kuhusu vitu vingi vya Tanzania na Marekani (concerning many things about Tanzania and America). I would say I am much more comfortable when I speak, am developing an ability to hear the words as they are spoken by others, and consequently, it is much easier for me to find the things I want to say as I speak to others. I can’t wait until I can become fluent!! It is very exciting to be actually conversing (rather than just spitting out memorized phrases) in another language. Also, yesterday I baked my first loaf of bread since arriving in Africa! It was AWESOME #IMISSMYBROCLINTANDERSWHOWOULDHAVELOVEDTHIS!!! The only downside was that it wasn’t very aesthetically pleasing because the loaf kind of collapsed because I let it proof too long, plus the flour is not high protein, and thus isn’t form gluten as well. But, you better believe that the first thing I did after it was done was cut a warm piece, and ongeza (add) siagi ya karanga (peanut butter) and jam! The peanut butter here is phenomenal. It was truly AWESOME! Today, we baked cupcakes and will take them to my shadow PCV’s neighbor’s house for dinner. Everyone here insists on inviting you for chakula (food). It is very nice and the food is always incredible! Of course, we are doing all of this baking without an oven, so that makes it that much more fun. We have a large dutch oven and are placing coals under it to achieve the oven effect. Works like a charm. I still want to build a brick oven at site, but at least I know of a feasible alternative that works in the meantime.

The weather here is AMAZING. I finally feel like I am in truly in rural Africa at my shadow PCV’s site (My site is about an hour away). There are large plains where you can see for miles in any direction. It is a desert ecosystem where I am now, so it is very reminiscent of far west Texas. I really love it. I can’t speak on my site yet, but I would not have been disappointed if I were placed here! I believe my site will be a little greener, but the temperature may be similar. This morning I ran and was legitimately cold. Pole sana (very sorry) to my friends in Texas who are braving the heat right now, but where I am, there is almost no humidity and the temperature is very cool, even cold. The place I am currently at is on the southern rim of the Great Rift Valley, not far from Kenya, so I can’t help but think of myself running in a place a lot like the great Kenyan distance runners. Of course, I am a slug in comparison but it is still fun. Also, I must say that because I am placed in the north, it will be very feasible to run the Kilimanjaro ½ or full marathon! Again, depending on time constraints I may do the ½ the first year and the full the next. Also, if I ask an mtoto (child) to sign me up I only have to pay 5,000tsh (~$3.25USD) to run the marathon. Of course, the race swag won’t be as good as a race in the states, but the race is very big, has solid sponsors, legitimate aid stations, and the view of Kili. I can’t think of a more awesome place to run a legitimate marathon for so cheap. You are also able to use it as a qualifier for the Comrades Marathon (I believe), so it will be legit enough.

As I begin to wind this blog post up, I can report that I am still moving along well. I am happy. I am simply living life and finding satisfaction in each day. I am enjoying the relationships I have built and am building. I have met people I didn’t expect to meet, and am missing one in particular. For now, I will continue to listen, observe, and go in the direction that is providing the greatest happiness as I am living my Peace Corps experience. Andy Dufrain from The Shawshank Redemption, in regards to his unfortunate situation in Shawshank Prison, said “…you gotta get busy living or get busy dying...” He found out a way to improve upon his situation and DECIDED to do something about it. So for now, I will continue LIVING an experience that has been fulfilling. I miss my friends and family back home. You know who you are, and I love you all very much. I hope you are doing well and I look forward to talking to you all sometime soon. Take care!